We Icy Hot Our Balls // nny keyboard is working again but i don't have an nn key [128]
F**kface #128 · published 2022-11-16 · archive #141

[0:00:10] Eric: This is episode 128, by the way, so if we can get recording all around, then I think we're good, and we can get off to the races.
[0:00:18] Geoff: And that was the intro for episode 128. Thank you, Eric, that was awesome. What was the intro? Eric just did it.
[0:00:25] Andrew: Eric just did the intro? You didn't hear it? It was awesome. No, it was so smooth. This actually seems like a great time. I need to make an apology. I need to admit I was wrong. Oh, is this a, is this the, are we retract, is this a retraction section? Uh, is it a retract, no, I don't think it's retract, maybe it is, technically, I'm sure I argued. Yeah, I think generally an apology. I think it was, uh, more of an apology to Eric, and, uh, oh, maybe you, I don't know. An apology, it's a lot of things, but, um, someone, there's a post in the subreddit for this show about wanting to watch it on YouTube from the beginning. Hmm. But they weren't sure what episode was the first one on YouTube because they're not numbered. And they're like, which one is this? Where do we start? Uh, I was, I was wrong about the intros. We need intros. Intros are very useful. Your naming convention, Jeff, is incredibly useful because I tried to answer this person and it took me four attempts to figure out what episode was the first episode.
[0:01:27] Gavin: You had to listen and then you cross-referenced it with the podcast app? Like, how, is it even numbered on there, though?
[0:01:32] Andrew: No, so I went, I went to the Rooster T site and I looked, and the, uh, the earliest episode we have on YouTube doesn't have an intro until eight minutes into the show. So it's not, it wasn't at all, you couldn't just listen to it and he's, this is episode 120 or whatever. Like, that wasn't there. Uh, it is terrible. It was a disaster. We have an episode on the site that is titled episode one of season two and it, it's, it's listed as the 10th episode of season two. Like, we're just, our naming conventions are terrible. The lack of an intro adds no clarity. I was wrong. I was wrong about that. That was a mistake by me. It's a disaster. I take largely the blame for us having zero organizational abilities as far as what episode is what on this show.
[0:02:17] Geoff: Do you know how, uh, we've determined that future Gavin is throwing sticks at current Gavin or past Gavin? Yes. Uh, do you think if, if you could time travel, that would be the one thing you'd go back and fix at the beginning of this podcast?
[0:02:31] Andrew: Ooh, yeah, I think it would. I think that'd be, of all the lessons, uh, I probably would never claim to eat a pencil. That's actually number one on the list. Then number two would probably be me fighting against doing an intro for 80 episodes of this, this show. That was dumb. That was a dumb hill to die on. And I did like 80 times. I died multiple times.
[0:02:55] Gavin: I didn't realize because we, we've been like proofing, I guess, trying to cut down episode 16. We're trying to cut like, what is it, Nick? Like six minutes from that episode. So it will fit onto a stupid piece of vinyl, seven minutes. That's deep in pencil land. That is like right in there. It's, it's so frustrating to listen to that again. We've got the most annoying episode 16.
[0:03:17] Geoff: So should we talk about that real fast, uh, what you're referencing there? Uh, oh, and let me just say, I know Eric already did it, but just for posterity's sake, before we get eight minutes in, uh, this is episode 128 season five, right? I believe we determined. Are you asking? Yeah. I don't know. I'm sorry. I gave up. I gave up, uh, in a, in a, in a flurry of anger at the beginning of the podcast, like three months ago, I gave, I gave up on the naming stuff. So I'm, I'm trying to remember, but I feel like it's, we, we said season five began, like right around episode 125 or so. I want to say, uh, anyway, I'm Jeff. Eric is, was the indignant one there. And then Andrew and Gavin, uh, so only four minutes into this episode is the intro.
[0:04:03] Andrew: Yeah. Yeah. Well, he started with an intro and then explained that I fucked up the interest. Go ahead.
[0:04:08] Geoff: So anyway, we, uh, we've been long talking about way back, probably not too, not too far past episode 16. We've been talking about wanting, uh, wanting to make a vinyl of an episode of we thought that would be, uh, the, I don't know, fun, I guess, to release our own record. And, uh, a little bit easier than, uh, a little bit easier than doing an eight track, uh, probably a little bit more useful. Um, and it was like the oldest piece of technology we could record our voices on, uh, like it's, I don't think gramophones or, or that, you remember that thing that they had in like the 1800s where you would like have a sheet of paper with a bunch of fucking, uh, holes in it that wound up. And then you'd stick it on like a piano and then the, a piano would play it. Like I would be interesting if we could do a face version of that. Just need everyone to have a play a piano. Yeah. I just need everybody at home to have a player piano. Okay. Uh, and then we'll sell the roles. Uh, but we determined that a vinyl would be a fun way to release an episode. So we picked episode one of the episode 16s.
[0:05:11] Geoff: Uh, I think maybe the first one, uh, but, but the limit is, is what is the limit on recordability, uh, on a, on a two-sided vinyl?
[0:05:22] Eric: I think it's like 58 minutes, something like that.
[0:05:25] Geoff: And since our episode was slightly longer, there was a, there's two versions, there's two ways you could do it, right? We could cut the episode down or we could reduce the audio quality to something less than stellar to fit more on. And we decided that it would be better to cut out the fluff, uh, and just have a solid ass 20, 25 minutes per side. Nick says, so we need to cut it down from like 59 minutes down to 50 to make a solid ass episode. So I would just speed it up by like 11%. So my, my idea was we would do like the opposite of like George Lucas, right? We would have like, like our special edition would be, we cut the nine shitty minutes out. So you don't have to listen to them when all 59 minutes are shitty. It's hard to find the five or six minutes you got to cut.
[0:06:12] Gavin: I was listening to, I felt I've only got halfway through. I was listening to it yesterday because we're trying to decide what to cut. And, uh, I couldn't, I couldn't find a single bit that I would cut. So I was like, we, we have to just cut whole chunks. I don't know. It's like, it's weird to like remove the occasional pause or word and like, like James Cameron Titanic, this thing to be shorter. I don't think we're going to do it. We have to just take a lump and kick it out of there.
[0:06:34] Andrew: I like your idea though of accelerating it a little bit like sitcoms. They do that right. To like get an extra ad break. Like they slightly speed up the play. I think that could work.
[0:06:43] Gavin: Or maybe we could use AI to like remove silence.
[0:06:45] Andrew: Oh, what if we wrote down every bit or like topic that's on the show and do like a draw and whatever it lands on, it's just dead. No matter what it is. We have no say in the matter.
[0:06:58] Gavin: Write down how long each segment is. Or we fluke face it ourselves. We re-perform it slightly faster. Ooh. That would be terrible.
[0:07:09] Unidentified: There's no way that would come out shorter, right? That would definitely be longer.
[0:07:11] Geoff: It would be so much longer. I fucking, I can't stay on track to save my life. I was in the, I lost track of this podcast earlier. That's why I would continue. I forgot what we were fucking talking about. I forgot about the vinyl by the time I was done saying whatever the fuck I said. There's no way I could stay on point that long. Yeah. I do say though, I do think though, like better than cutting nine minutes out, if we could condense or like keep all like by speeding it up or whatever, our jokes per minute goes up by a percentage pretty significantly. Like probably like 10% there.
[0:07:43] Gavin: Why don't we cut every sentence that isn't a joke?
[0:07:46] Geoff: It'd be four minutes long. I don't think that works. Is that something we're concerned with? Jokes per minute? Oh man.
[0:07:58] Andrew: If we had to, if we fluke faced it ourselves, I think it would be a whole new level of self-hatred. Of just hating, thinking everything you said isn't funny. That'd be terrible. I'd hate to read anything that I've said on this podcast and attempt to re-deliver it again, thinking at that time I was being funny. I'm terrible. Laughs.
[0:08:19] Geoff: Hey, I was, uh, I was talking to Eric this morning. Uh, we were doing another production and I listened to the most recent episode of Face That's Out, which I guess is maybe 126. It's the one where we promo that we're going to all put Icy Hot on our balls. And then only Andrew did it. And then only Andrew did it. And I didn't think much of it at the time. And when we were recording the episode where Andrew, because, because I think we all agree it was Andrew's funniest episode, uh, and he, it was so strong, but going back and listening to that other episode, we really leaned in hard to the fact that we were all going to do it together at the beginning of an episode. And I'm, I don't want to salad cream it. So I do think we should probably all put Icy Hot on our balls this episode or, or to stay fair to the audience. Do I have to do this again?
[0:09:07] Andrew: Do I have to do, do I have to do a second wave of this?
[0:09:10] Eric: Yeah, no, I think you definitely should because it's, it's, it's a group. It's a group effort, isn't it? Yeah.
[0:09:15] Gavin: Last week was kind of one-sided and that was unfortunate.
[0:09:17] Eric: Yeah. And also that wasn't our fault. That was your fault. So you should definitely be a part of this.
[0:09:24] Gavin: I have Tiger Balm Ultra Strength or I have Icy Hot Original. Well, I got the Icy Hot Original because that's what everybody said.
[0:09:32] Geoff: Well, actually mine's advanced aim really.
[0:09:33] Andrew: Yeah, I didn't, I could only find Ultra Strength for both products. How long is it, how long is this going to last? Jeff was spot on. He was like 45 minutes. Wow, really? Yeah, it was, it was after we recorded, the next hour was spent in my bathtub hating the world and they'd say, calm down, maybe like 45 minutes.
[0:09:52] Geoff: If, if you want to know how long Icy Hot lasts on your balls, ask the guy who's done it before a couple of times.
[0:09:58] Andrew: I will say this, I had a great, I don't know how this works. I don't know what this show is. Oh, Jeff's already applied. It sounds like. No, I'm about to.
[0:10:07] Geoff: Ugh.
[0:10:07] Andrew: Okay. Um.
[0:10:09] Geoff: That's a lot.
[0:10:10] Andrew: You know how we, we, after the show, Gavin comes back and we typically talk for a few minutes when we're done recording. Uh, I did that on the Tiger Balm thing. Yeah. Post Pleasantries. Having Pleasantries, just having, trying to have a normal conversation with somebody while your balls have Tiger Balm on them felt ridiculous. I feel like there could almost be a show there where it's like a group of people talking. One of them has Tiger Balm on their balls and you have to figure out who it is. I think, I think that's a great idea.
[0:10:39] Geoff: It's kind of like we used to do bits, uh, oh boy. We used to do bits back in the day where you'd have like. Uh, we would do like variety shows for like, I don't know, for live stream stuff. We would have like five drinks and one would be a shot of, or like five would be shots of vodka and one would be a shot of like vinegar. And you try to like, try to mask who got the vinegar. I love doing those kinds of, ugh.
[0:11:01] Unidentified: I love doing those kinds of things.
[0:11:03] Eric: Um, Eric, have you put yours on? No, I don't have any Icy Hot and I did not know we were doing this today. I mean, Eric and I did talk about it this morning and he agreed. I did not agree to do it today. I definitely agreed that we should do it as a team.
[0:11:16] Gavin: And you agreed to, that you would do it with us. And then last week we were going to do it. So just get the, get the Icy Hot that you prepared last week.
[0:11:22] Eric: No, no, no. You have to understand. I don't have any, I have none. So I can't do this because I was not prepared to do this today. Cause when I talked to Jeff, the way he made it sound was we should pick one episode where we're all going to do it. So what I think we should do is wait to do it together as a team. No. So that way we all have the funniest episode. No. Right, Gavin? Because it doesn't make sense if only some of us are doing it. All of us should do it together. Don't you think? I have a mound of it in my hand. Put it on your head. But what I'm saying is that you, Gavin. It's on my balls. Put it on your balls. What I'm saying is that you have a choice right now. You don't have to do this. And then we have to do it together as a team. I can't not do it two weeks in a row when I said I was going to do it. What I'm saying is that if we're going to do it, we all have to do it as a group, don't we? Pop down the shops. There's no hop down the shops for me. That's not how this works. Pop down the damn shops, Eric. Go get the stuff. I mean, do you have it? Is it in your hand? It's on my hands. Okay. But what I'm saying is that you could rinse it off your hands real quick.
[0:12:23] Eric: And then we just, you know, we pick an episode and we like really go for it.
[0:12:26] Gavin: I'm moving it towards my balls, Eric.
[0:12:28] Eric: Well, you don't have to do that. You have an option. What should we put in?
[0:12:31] Geoff: Think about how funny you're going to be. Is it like toothpaste? How much, how much goes? I put more than toothpaste on me. All right. Hold on.
[0:12:44] Eric: Okay. I made a mistake. Oh, it's so bad. All right. You guys roll around in it. I'll go see if I have any, but I surely don't.
[0:12:51] Unidentified: Oh, I put, I like, I covered my balls.
[0:12:55] Geoff: Like if it's, if it's considered my balls, it's got icy hot on it.
[0:12:59] Unidentified: I feel like I'm going to puke. No, the worst part is, is I put icy hot on my ears before we did this to prove. Again? Prove that it wasn't the ears. So I got my ears too. Oh. This is a terrible idea.
[0:13:16] Gavin: Gav, how you doing this? Oh, shit. Damn, that's instant. That's like 20 seconds. Oh, that's like 20 seconds of my nuts during the fire. Ah.
[0:13:26] Geoff: I'm so glad I didn't do, I'm so glad I didn't do the tiger bottom. Okay, I'm still going uphill. When does this level off? When does it? It hasn't leveled off yet for me. Oh.
[0:13:36] Unidentified: Oh, my God. Oh, shit, man.
[0:13:48] Geoff: So, uh, how's everybody doing? Is it just me? Oh, shit. I, uh, I feel like I dipped my balls in a wet fire.
[0:14:04] Eric: Okay. Well, here's the thing. I just looked, I kind of dug around our medicine cabinet, some other places. I looked, I don't have any. So what we're going to have to do is just do this again another time. Um, so, you know. Yeah, so you guys will have to probably, I mean, you guys just for, you guys will have to do it again. Um, a different time. Yeah, Nick said same. So, you know, we want to make sure it's the whole group thing. It's pretty quiet for a podcast. Is that normal?
[0:14:33] Geoff: Yeah, I'm still here. I'm still trying to do a podcast. I'm trying to channel this into the funniest podcast ever. I don't know where my co-hosts went. Right. Eric, how are you doing? What's going on in your, let's talk about stuff.
[0:14:45] Eric: What do you got going on? I'm good, man. I just, uh, Nick said he has some Vicks vapor rub, but that's for his sick wife and he doesn't think that he could rub that on his dick and balls and then give it back to her. He's right. He should not. Yeah, don't do that. No. Don't do that. I do think that, you know, unfortunately just, we're going to have to do, you guys are going to have to do this one more time. So that way we all do it as a group. Um, but that's okay. You know, we can, we'll do like a regular episode this time and then it'll be fine. So, um, I'm good. How's, how's things going, you know, going with you? Excited for an office day? I'll be honest with you, Eric. Yeah.
[0:15:24] Geoff: Talk about that. A couple of things have happened since we last recorded. Oh my God. That was like a puke burp. Oh, Jesus Christ. Fuck. It's like a million tiny needles on my dick. All at once.
[0:15:39] Gavin: It's like if you took 60 cooking knives or with like sharp tip up and I'm just swinging my balls across the top of all the knives, that is like, that is like five times worse than I expected it to be. Oh my God. Yeah. I'll just say this.
[0:15:56] Geoff: Oh my God. I'm glad we didn't do the Tiger Bomb. This Icy Hot sucks, but it is not Tiger Bomb bad. This is like, I'm not doing Tiger Bomb. It's like the difference between a jalapeno and a habanero, you know, it's like, or a habanero and a Serrano. They're both hot as dicks, but, um, one's a little bit worse.
[0:16:14] Eric: Woo.
[0:16:15] Geoff: Fucking assholes.
[0:16:17] Eric: So yeah, we watched the monkey movie. That was pretty, that's good stuff. Yeah. Right, right, right, right. That should be out pretty soon. Yeah. Good call.
[0:16:23] Geoff: Uh, well, that's what I wanted to get back to. Last week, we, uh, we, we said we were, after we recorded, we decided we were going to watch the monkey movie. I don't remember if we said an episode or not, but we definitely did decide we were going to do it and we did. Um, and, uh, it actually, it was interesting. It elicited an apology to me from Andrew for something I didn't even know I was upset about. Um, I thought it was awesome. I thought the movie was amazing. I thought Andrew, Andrew's presentation is 10 minute intro was amazing. Uh, I think it, I was talking about with Eric today, this morning. I think it, it opened up a whole new, it could be a whole new product for us. If we combine, if we combine, uh, our, our, our monkey movie, uh, kind of a thing that we do in the tuxedo, the movie, uh, with do box. I feel like we have, uh, and, and, and, and a solid intro, I feel like we have a whole package we can start delivering to people, um, that I think that they would really resonate with. Are we talking monkey movie? Yeah. I was just saying we watched, we actually a hundred percent watched the monkey movie.
[0:17:25] Geoff: Uh, it took us from, uh, March till, uh, I guess late October, but we did it. It was a great movie.
[0:17:34] Andrew: I had an idea about that, that I wanted to run by you.
[0:17:37] Gavin: I'm in the, I'm in the ice phase, by the way.
[0:17:38] Andrew: Yeah. Now it's the ice, I was able to go back. It, the icy hot was so much worse, or maybe I just wasn't prepared in the same way. That was terrible. This is terrible.
[0:17:48] Geoff: It's still terrible.
[0:17:49] Andrew: It's still awful. I don't know how you're hanging in Jeff, the way, the way you are.
[0:17:53] Geoff: I had to feel like I could piss petrol. I've done it a couple of times in the past for similarly stupid reasons. And so I, you know, the plus I really thought I was going to puke. Plus Andrew, I could have, uh, I could have one of my arms hanging like sliced 90% off and just hanging on. But for 45 minutes, I'd be able to, I could, I could focus and work on a work, focus on the podcast because I'm a professional.
[0:18:20] Gavin: Uh, I got genuinely worried that of how much the, how much it kept building. Yeah. It went maybe two or three times beyond my tolerance for pain. Yeah.
[0:18:31] Geoff: It was high. It was bad. It's definitely like at the, at the tolerance line. Yeah. It's like, I don't feel any funnier. I told you guys, uh, one time I got jalapeno juice all over my dick and I had to put my dick in milk. Like that was worse, but not that much worse. This isn't funny. No, it's not.
[0:18:54] Eric: It's the episode with the most belabored pauses. Go to the shop, Eric. Go to the damn shop. I mean, I already looked around. We're going to have to do this again because I didn't have any of the stuff. So, like, you guys are happy.
[0:19:07] Andrew: I'll just be the least funny person in the room. I'm good. I've done it twice. Oh, shit. It's terrible. It's heating up again.
[0:19:14] Gavin: The ice is melting. Really? See, it's nice. I got the cool breeze right now. If I put a thermal camera on my nuts, do you think it would show a temperature?
[0:19:23] Andrew: Absolutely. If there was predator vision on you right now, it would think that there's like 12 people in your balls for the amount of heat that's radiant.
[0:19:32] Gavin: My nuts wouldn't make it through the airport through those fever detectives.
[0:19:36] Geoff: Here's what I'm going to recommend for you, Gav. Sit forward. Don't lean back too much right now because what can happen? Oh, it can drip down? Yeah, as your balls will start to sweat from the heat and the pain, and then they'll carry it right up, right down your gooch, right into your butthole. And you don't want a flaming butthole and flaming balls. So, just like, try to protect that area because it gets, it's like a whole other level of hell when you're assholes. I mean, that's why I created the Too Spicy Ice here, right? Like, you don't, you don't want to go, you don't want to double dip there.
[0:20:08] Andrew: So, on the subject of MVP 2, I had an idea. I was thinking about, so we watched, we watched the Tuxedo, right? And then we got the Tuxedo from the Tuxedo. I think we should try to get a prop from MVP 2 somehow, and maybe try to get a prop from every movie we watch. I think you're a goddamn genius.
[0:20:27] Geoff: I think it would be perfect for the museum. You have been firing on all creative cylinders lately, and I just gotta say, I appreciate it. That's a fantastic fucking idea, Andrew. And I agree with you. I've been looking into it.
[0:20:38] Andrew: It's really tough to find any prop available for sale for MVP 2. So, I'm trying to figure out a way to reach out to the production company in some way and see if I could get something through that. Yeah. Just a thought I had. Also, consideration for every movie we pick going forward.
[0:20:53] Gavin: So, we got Tuxedo. So, we need to make, so we only need to make, we need to make sure we watch movies that we can get props from.
[0:21:02] Geoff: None of us are able to communicate a thought right now.
[0:21:06] Andrew: Yeah. It's that. I'm luckily in the Kulig phase. I feel like I could communicate again. But yeah, that would be the goal. I mean, obviously, we want to pick what we want to watch. That overrules it. But, if we could find a prop from it, that'd be amazing. I think it leans in heavily with the whole museum idea.
[0:21:26] Geoff: What do you think the shortest episode we've done is? And is it, is 27 minutes too short? Way too short. Yeah. Damn it.
[0:21:35] Andrew: Incredibly short. But you're a professional, as you just said. You like to focus and hang into things and that you'd be fine. I tell you what, it fit real nice on vinyl there.
[0:21:43] Eric: No, it's too short for vinyl, because there's a B-side. Well, that's it. Yeah, we just have to do, this is an A-side, and then we just have to figure out what the B-side is, I guess.
[0:21:53] Andrew: Dude, it's ironic that we wouldn't have a B-side due to a balls issue. That'd be perfect. That'd set up great.
[0:22:03] Geoff: I'm gonna force. I feel legitimately pukey. Yeah.
[0:22:07] Andrew: No, that's how I felt. I had to step away for a moment. If you need to step away, Jeff, nothing wrong in that. I had to step away and gather myself.
[0:22:13] Eric: Now we're back. I mean, I will say that, I do think there's, it's the podcast, you probably shouldn't be stepping away, in general. No. No, but you should also have fucking Icy Haunt your balls. Not everything's perfect. Well, I look, and so it's fine. You just have to do it one more time. Yeah, no, it's fine. If I puke, I'll just do it off.
[0:22:29] Geoff: I'll just do it right off. Yeah, it's fine. Hey, gather yourself. This is not like I haven't cleaned, I didn't clean up years worth of dog piss shit.
[0:22:36] Andrew: Now, on a scale of one to ten, on a scale of one to ten, how funny do you feel right now, Gavin? Oh. That's a perfect, perfect response.
[0:22:47] Gavin: 1.5.
[0:22:48] Geoff: It's really, it's really interesting because Andrew was definitely like an 11 out of 10 last week when he put the Icy Haunt on. But I don't feel like it's transferred to me. Definitely not me. So I, I don't think I've said anything funny, and I don't plan on it.
[0:23:04] Andrew: Do you know how I faced myself with it last week? You know what I did? I made a huge mistake. I did it so late in the show, and you even commented on it. Why would you do it so late? There's no payoff. I was under the belief that we were going to record two episodes, and so it was going to start there and go into the next, and then as soon as we were done, Jeff was like, oh, nobody told me that we're going to do two today. I can't. I'm busy. So we only did one. I wasted it. I never thought I'd be doing this again, but here we are.
[0:23:33] Geoff: And then we're going to be doing it again a third time when Eric and Nick decide to participate.
[0:23:37] Andrew: No, I'm just going to be the least funny guy in the room.
[0:23:40] Geoff: I mean, I got to be honest with you. We were ready to do it last episode. We'd all agreed on it. You did it. We didn't. So I just assumed, like, for instance, I'll explain how it went in my house. I got the Icy Hot. I put it on my desk in preparation of doing it last week. We didn't do it. I left the Icy Hot on the desk. It never moved. So when I sat down to record today, it was there and ready to go. So I don't understand how Nick and Eric aren't prepared. No, if you check the tapes. But I also don't want to hear a bunch of half-assed excuses either. So I guess we'll just move on.
[0:24:09] Eric: I mean, they're whole-assed excuses. They're not half-assed. No, they're not. If you listen- If you listen to-
[0:24:15] Unidentified: Jesus Christ, Kevin.
[0:24:18] Eric: If you listen- I feel like I'm looking at us cryptic.
[0:24:25] Gavin: Kevin, can we post that photo? I don't know. I don't think so. Can we? I mean, we probably shouldn't. I've pulled my mic all the way down to the ground, and I'm just on all fours, just letting the air get to it. And, uh-
[0:24:43] Unidentified: I have got to say-
[0:24:44] Geoff: Oh, the air might not help. The air's a problem. I have got to say- I'm definitely failing on the funny side, but the photo that Gavin just posted that's been double edited to hide his junk while he's on all fours staring into the screen is maybe the funniest thing he's ever done. Gavin, you're at 11 and a half right now. He blacked out his junk with red marker, and then he decided to double up with black, but you can see the red poking through still. And it looks like he's just wearing a t-shirt, struggling in his face, looking at the camera with his ass hanging out the other end, looking like he's presenting. It is awesome.
[0:25:26] Gavin: I'm sure the neighbors will get a good view. Honestly, I felt like I could see through the red.
[0:25:29] Andrew: The worst part for me is I applied to my ears prior to, so they're sequencing off. My ears are incredibly hot right now, while my balls are cold, and then my balls are going to get hot, and my ears are going to get- It's out of sync. It's out of sync. It's completely out of sync.
[0:25:49] Geoff: I got to say, Gav, if we could put that image on a shirt, I bet we'd sell it. If we could just sell, just for, like, just put it up, just sell them for an hour, as many as we sell. I got to think we'd, we'd, we'd, we'd move on a lot.
[0:26:03] Andrew: I think if you were to, if you were to Photoshop Gavid's face out of that photo, people wouldn't recognize that as Gavid. He looks like a different human being through this paint. I didn't realize I was making that face. That's just your face. You're, it's the perfect, it's an honest expression of what's happening, the current moment.
[0:26:22] Geoff: There was a, a bit they were going to do on Howard Stern, uh, 20 years ago now, 15 years ago, where this guy, Scott the Engineer, was going to take anal from a porn star in Madison Square Garden, um, for $250,000, and Howard was going to, was going to sell tickets to it. And, uh, they were just going to be, it was just going to be a little curtained off room, and all that you could see was Scott's head sticking out as he was receiving the anal. Uh, and I think it fell through because, uh, well, I think Scott's family told him he couldn't do it. His, like, wife and kid were like, absolutely not. Uh, the fuck, man, $250,000, that's, that's a lot of money. Um, and, uh, to find out that, to have 15 great or terrible minutes, who knows until you try it, right? Um, the face you're making is what I assume Scott's face would have looked like, sticking out of that curtain. I can't, I gotta say, I've never, I've never seen you make a face like that. Yeah, you've lived with me for many years. Have I ever looked like that?
[0:27:21] Andrew: Never. I feel like, I feel like we could post this if we censor it even more. Even though you've censored all the necessary areas, it's still, it feels like a lot. I feel like if we add more. Yeah, this feels, like, really explicit.
[0:27:32] Geoff: Could you? It does. It feels like a porn, it feels like a Pornhub thumbnail.
[0:27:35] Eric: It does. What if we crop it from, you know, kind of like the chest up, so you can at least see the look on his face. Yeah, I think that's the sense of what it's just done. It feels wrong. Yeah, just know that, like, the rest of what you're not seeing in the photo is, I mean, it's all, it's, there's a lot going on.
[0:27:53] Unidentified: I don't know about that. I feel like the face is the most explicit part.
[0:27:55] Andrew: No, it's not. It's the limbs to me. There's something weirdly explicit about.
[0:28:00] Geoff: It's your little knees poking out at the bottom. With the sun hitting your thigh hair.
[0:28:03] Eric: To me, it's the, it's your posture. Like, you have, like, a hunch.
[0:28:08] Gavin: You have a hunch. Yeah. Well, between me speaking, my head is just hanging down towards the ground, and I'm just lifting it up to talk in the mic.
[0:28:15] Geoff: I think the thing that I'm, that is the most insane to me about it is that your asshole is facing away from the camera, right? And it is facing out and away from the camera, from your position. And your blinds are up. They're, like, halfway up. I don't think anyone can see me up here, but I don't know. There's a lot of wasps and birds right now that are doing way more than they bargained for.
[0:28:38] Unidentified: So, I just hope maybe the Google Earth picture doesn't get taken right now.
[0:28:46] Andrew: Well, I have some minor good news for you, Gavin. Yeah. I realize I, I fucked up, and, uh, accidentally, over the weekend, I realize I'm a big, dumb idiot who's incompetent at cashing in on bets. Do you remember that, that you and I, we did a little Halo 2 speedrun bet thing in the past? And I won that bet. Do you remember what my prize was for winning that bet?
[0:29:09] Gavin: This is where I feel like f*** face falls apart, is that we have these elaborate bets, and then we always forget what we're supposed to do afterwards.
[0:29:15] Andrew: Yeah, I would forget on and off, and it would come back to me, be like, oh yeah, I have this. My prize, my victory for that bet.
[0:29:24] Gavin: Nick has put the Brazzers logo on there. Not the first picture of me to have the Brazzers on it, but.
[0:29:33] Andrew: So, we had the, so the, the victory, what I got for winning, Gavin, is I got to pick a piece of gum for you to chew. Oh, that's right. By choosing, that was my big prize. Yeah. I, idiotically, accidentally, redeemed the bet while trying to do do box. I had this, I felt so stupid. I was sitting on my desk, I'm staring at it, as soon as you said that, I was like, oh yeah, I tried to get it. And there's no way around it. I told you what brand, I told you what type, you even asked how many pieces, and I told you how many. I absolutely, accidentally, redeemed that bet in the least impactful way I could have. It's a total waste. You just gave me regular gum. And I just gave you a normal gum. That's phenomenal. Yeah, I completely, I was sitting at my desk cooking hash browns, and I, I, I connected everything together. I was stunned. I was stunned and disappointed with myself.
[0:30:31] Gavin: What did you cook hash browns on, on your desk?
[0:30:34] Andrew: I have a little skillet.
[0:30:35] Gavin: You mean potato pies?
[0:30:36] Andrew: I have, like, the shredded hash browns. I got the waffle maker that, that I gave you all, and I have the, I bought myself a little skillet version. Oh, is that the thing you cooked part of a piece of bacon on? Yeah, that's what I was cooking, the little strips of, little cuts of bacon on, so I tried some hash browns.
[0:30:50] Geoff: I did, I gotta say, I did not heed the advice I gave Gavin, and my gooch is on fire. And it is not fun. I'm not on all fours. It's a hardwood floor in here. I had old knees. Uh, oh my god, is my asshole. Not my asshole, my gooch is unhappy.
[0:31:11] Gavin: Oh, I think mine's wearing off. I think I'm on, I'm on the tail end of mine.
[0:31:15] Andrew: Yeah, I feel, I feel better. Mine's just migrated to new areas. I'm physically sweating. That's unfortunate for you. I'm amazed you stuck in, as you said. Very professional, Jack. You did a good job.
[0:31:24] Unidentified: Yeah.
[0:31:25] Andrew: I genuinely felt like I was gonna die, so I had to step away.
[0:31:28] Geoff: These old balls have taken a beating a few times. This ain't my first ball rodeo.
[0:31:32] Gavin: Where does this rank on the worst things done to your testicles?
[0:31:36] Unidentified: Oh, it's not, it's up, it's not, I think 7 out of 10.
[0:31:40] Gavin: I've done way worse. I mean, you slammed your penis in the toilet. Twice. Was that one and two?
[0:31:46] Geoff: Those were up there. I mean, that's us stars when I did that. I almost blacked out.
[0:31:55] Andrew: I have another update from past. This is a real update show for me. Yeah. The other day, I still had my, remember when I poured water on my keyboard and all the keys were fusing to different, different ones? And so I swapped out keyboards and I was putting something down on my desk and I put it on the old keyboard that I spilled everything on. And to my shock, it was still connected to my computer. I assumed that because I plugged a USB one in that it would desync, but it's still connected. It still works. I was like, oh, I'll give this a try again. All of my keys. I'm going to, I'm going to post. I don't know how I'll do. I'll just, I'll just say all my keys work. It's better than it was. Everything is fine. I've been going through. The problem is though, one of my keys did die. All the keys came back, but one, I unfortunately lost my M key. It does not work. But to solve this problem, I've been doing this whenever I need to put an M in something. Is that why you've been doing that? That is, and to this point, nobody has called me on it.
[0:32:57] Andrew: I've been doing it for a little over a week. I've just been using two N's for my M because I don't have an M. Why don't you just copy the M and paste it? Because when I copy and paste, it typically deletes whatever I'm trying to put it into. And sometimes you have multiple, you have multiple sentences and it could be a real problem. It looks ridiculous.
[0:33:16] Gavin: Did this happen before you had to make the presentation for the Unkey Uvi?
[0:33:19] Andrew: I was using the USB keyboard for that.
[0:33:21] Gavin: Oh, okay.
[0:33:23] Andrew: Yeah, so that was fine. That was unimpacted. But like when I wrote my notes, this is what I wrote my notes. The keyboard is working again, but I don't have an M key. So instead, I used two N's to make my M and M.
[0:33:39] Unidentified: Can that be the episode title?
[0:33:44] Geoff: Yeah, please. My keyboard is working again, but I don't have an M key. So instead, I used two N's to M and M. You got it. Oh, my balls. You okay, Jeff? Yeah, I mean, it's better. It's not as bad as it was 10 minutes ago or anything, but it's... That's good. You're bouncing back. I don't think I'm going to throw up anymore. That's good.
[0:34:10] Gavin: I've realized that I've been really stupid all week.
[0:34:13] Andrew: Yeah? Because you came up with this idea and made us do it? Is that...
[0:34:17] Gavin: Yeah, well, that was a few weeks ago. I've apparently been stupid for a long time.
[0:34:19] Geoff: Just this week and not the preceding every other week?
[0:34:23] Gavin: But extra stupid this week, and I figured out why. So it's finally got a little bit colder here, to the point where my heating has kicked on for the first time. But in my office, I have, you know, two computers. I have servers. It's hot as balls in here all the time. I don't need a heater. So I just shut my vent to the AC, and Meg's been out of town. So when she's gone, the cats aren't split up. They all just huddle around whoever's home. So I've been sat in my office editing with all four cats, and I was just editing the other day, and I was just like, man, I feel a bit foggy. Just got the old brain fog in. Feel really dumb. I'm like making shitty editing decisions. I'm like, what am I thinking? What am I doing? And I'd like walk around, like pick stuff up and forget where I was going. And I'm like, what is going on? And I just couldn't figure it out. And I realized, oh, I've probably got like high amounts of carbon dioxide in this room. So I bought a CO2 detector. I turned it on. It was like 2,100 parts per million.
[0:35:23] Gavin: And I think that's like dangerous levels. Oh my God. I think normal outside is like what used to be like 200, but because of people, it's now like 300 outside. And I've been like pushing 2,000. I was like, man, I feel shitting and I get a headache whenever I'm editing. What's going on? And it's just me and the cats have been filling this room with carbon dioxide. It's like, it's, yeah, how are the cats still alive? They love hanging out. Yeah, occasionally they would leave to go and get air, I think. And I'm just stood in here like a, like a fog brain dipshit trying to edit videos. It's currently down to 1140, which is still high, but I have a window open.
[0:36:07] Eric: Okay.
[0:36:08] Gavin: I was going to add some on my crevice. Get a tree.
[0:36:11] Eric: What are you doing? Get one plant.
[0:36:14] Gavin: You think a plant is going to make a dent in that?
[0:36:18] Eric: Against five living beings? It's better than a bunch of cats exhaling on you until you fucking pass out.
[0:36:28] Andrew: I appreciate you clarifying the temperature, Gavin, because you opened that with hot as balls, which in this current context, I feel like you need to elaborate on what that means.
[0:36:37] Geoff: Do you know how like when people are so far gone with alcoholism, sometimes they'll have people pour alcohol directly into their butthole? Oh, no.
[0:36:47] Andrew: No, I said yes to that before you finish thinking you're going somewhere else.
[0:36:51] Geoff: Yeah, like it's, yeah, like it happens. And it's kind of a thing. And also if you're having like liver and kidney issues, I think it's like a way to bypass some stuff. And it also gets into your bloodstream way quicker. I wonder if Gavin is consuming or receiving more CO2 through his butthole than his mouth right now.
[0:37:11] Gavin: How much CO2? Like if you're getting like a double dose. How much CO2 is dangerous? Oh, 40,000. Oh, you're fine. Poisoning. Yeah, I think I'm a long way off being killed by it, but I was definitely in the stupidity.
[0:37:26] Geoff: You're legally safe, but you're down to my Alabama public education.
[0:37:34] Gavin: Oh, yeah. It says you start worrying above a thousand. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's not good. It's not good. Everything I'm reading. Cognitive scores are lower when exposed to 1,400. Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[0:37:48] Unidentified: Because I was just like...
[0:37:50] Gavin: Oh, boy.
[0:37:51] Geoff: I hope it's permanent. Forever dumb.
[0:37:57] Gavin: Yeah, I got my window open now. I'd be interested in the plant experiment.
[0:38:02] Geoff: I wonder how much that would help. I mean, get two or three. It can't hurt. And if they die like in a week, it's like a... That'll be your canary in the coal mine. You're like, I can't stay in this room anymore. I'm killing plants.
[0:38:17] Gavin: Prolonged exposure to levels between 2,000 and 3,000 is linked to stress, kidney calcification, and bone demineralization. None of that sounds good. No.
[0:38:27] Unidentified: You're going to liquefy your bones.
[0:38:31] Andrew: I'm just going to be like a puddle of paper.
[0:38:33] Unidentified: More than the plastic man.
[0:38:35] Andrew: How long has this been an issue? Because your ankles have been at an all-time blow recently. There have been some body issues with you. You have not taken blows.
[0:38:43] Gavin: I would say this has been since Monday. So maybe two days. And then I bought the CO2 thing arrived today.
[0:38:50] Geoff: So, yeah, I'm already on the mend. Still be careful. You might have demineralized ankles right now on top of your already... Oh, God. Everyone doing okay? Yeah, I'm back to like... I can focus on shit again. I feel like the first 30 minutes of the podcast, I was unable to focus. Oh, Eric brings up we have an office day tomorrow. That is true. We're so fucking productive right now since we knocked out the monkey movie. And by the way, I don't want to spoil it for people who haven't watched it yet. I highly recommend you watch it. Watch along with us. I even more so recommend you watch Andrew's presentation. But let me just say, if you're a fan of banana wipes, holy shit. That's all I'll say. But anyway, we've been so fucking productive that tomorrow we're making pizzas. Monday of this week, I was sending you guys photos. I cleaned all the spiders out of the pizza oven.
[0:39:50] Geoff: Like, I ran them out of town and spruced that motherfucker up and we are ready to go. I'm so jazzed.
[0:39:58] Andrew: I'm excited. I can't wait to see how it turns out. Have you ever cooked a pizza in your pizza oven before, Jeff?
[0:40:04] Geoff: I've never cooked anything in my pizza oven. I've been scared of the spiders. My pizza oven is where spiders and antifreeze live. That's pretty much it. And like 30 second cleaner. Yeah, it was just like storage for like charcoal and shit. So it's all burned out? Yeah, it's all burned out and cleaned out. Okay. I'm gonna go buy some fresh wood, like non-spider wood that hasn't been in my backyard since I moved in. There's been a wood pile in my backyard. I've lived here for over three years now. I've barely made a dent in. It was so big. But I'll go buy fresh, clean, like hickory or something so that we're not cooking, you know, snakes and spiders. And is the plan, we're gonna make individual pizzas
[0:40:43] Gavin: or we're just gonna make one pizza?
[0:40:45] Geoff: I think we should make it individual pizzas.
[0:40:47] Gavin: Individuals, yeah.
[0:40:47] Eric: Okay, okay. I can get enough pizza stuff for everyone. I do know what Gavin wants to make. I mean, do we want to talk about what exactly we're making or why we're making pizzas? Or is that best? Yeah, I think we could talk about it. Yeah, I don't know why we wouldn't. That's the cue for you to talk about it. Yeah, well, I mean, that's where you, the host, pick up the ball and run with it for the touchdown, buddy.
[0:41:05] Geoff: No, I hear you, I hear you. But it's a three-hosted show and Gavin is the one who wanted to make the pizzas in the first fucking place so I thought he would be the one to pick up the ball.
[0:41:14] Andrew: I do agree. But picking up a ball
[0:41:15] Geoff: might be a little difficult for somebody who's breathing in 23,000 parts of carbon monoxide a second or whatever.
[0:41:22] Andrew: Yeah, I'd argue his brain is all ball right now.
[0:41:25] Gavin: And to be honest, the heavy breathing while the icy hot was on my nuts has really boosted the levels in here. So I thought we could start with the Branston pickle pizza which had, it didn't really say what was on top I think it was just cheese but in the crust was cheese and Branston pickle so I've requested those so we're going to make a slightly more complex you know, cheesy Branston crust and I feel like because you often get cheese and Branston pickle as a part of a plowman's lunch I would just complete the plowman's and have that as the toppings. Okay, what is a plowman's lunch? It's like a little board I think somebody has a little bit of salad or sometimes ham a boiled egg or something I sent it at the Wikipedia to Andrew and he was having none of it.
[0:42:08] Andrew: No, eggs on a pizza just threw me off I'd never heard of that before
[0:42:11] Gavin: I felt weird. I think to keep it classic to the plowman's it has to be a boiled egg I've only ever had a fried egg on a pizza which is pretty good but I'm not sure about like sliced boiled egg
[0:42:20] Geoff: on pizza. We can boil up an egg tomorrow. I don't have any eggs Eric will have to buy an eggs but uh
[0:42:25] Eric: It's on my list now here's the thing here's sort of my I'm trying to find the Branston pickle pizza recipe from wherever whatever place was making the Branston pickle pizza however Dominos I did find the Branston the Branston website which has the cheese pickle and ham pizza and I don't know if that's necessarily it but they do have the recipe on the Branston site so I am doing some research I'm doing some digging it is you've seen my list
[0:42:56] Gavin: of ingredients there right
[0:42:57] Eric: I did yes I did yes
[0:42:58] Gavin: how much luck have you had with
[0:42:59] Eric: oh it'll be fine I'm grabbing everything tomorrow and we'll be good to go I'm not going to salad cream it I am getting the things that you need you'll get everything I wrote well I'm gonna do my best to get everything you wrote I don't know like look you started going into like egg territory so really who fucking knows but we're gonna try I also asked for pickled onions
[0:43:16] Geoff: and chutney do you think you can get that I can definitely try while you're out there doing that why don't you pick up some icy hot just in case
[0:43:25] Eric: yeah yeah yeah I'll definitely make sure yeah I'll definitely make sure
[0:43:28] Gavin: oh that's perfect because then while the pizza's cooking Eric's nuts can be cooking in the background simultaneous cook right but then we're all doing it
[0:43:35] Eric: at the same time which is the important part of the whole thing Jeff have you ever seen a plowman no
[0:43:40] Andrew: I'll post one in the chat for you oh I'd appreciate it
[0:43:43] Geoff: thank you let the record state this is an audio podcast Andrew just reposted the Gavin Brazzers image
[0:43:55] Andrew: when you said plowman it's immediately what my brain went to you look like a plowman in that photo what does that mean I don't know you're about to get plowed man it associates they connect
[0:44:05] Geoff: Eric I just want to make a pepperoni pizza just simple easy so like mozzarella pepperoni
[0:44:11] Eric: no sweat that's absolutely what I'm getting regular pizza I was talking to Andrew before this he said I want to make sure I get the same stuff I said no problem I'm getting freak ingredients for Gavin's insane pizza and then regular ingredients for normal pizzas as well I just figured
[0:44:26] Gavin: this is the only time I'm going to cook a pizza in a real pizza oven I figured I'd make something first
[0:44:31] Andrew: I like the idea
[0:44:32] Gavin: it's going to be nice it's going to be nice to have a regular pepperoni to fall back on when mine tastes like shit
[0:44:37] Geoff: listen I hired an electrician to see about like moving the electric so that I could maybe put a pool in the backyard someday we hired an electrician in April and he we still he still hasn't done the work yet so there's a really good chance and there's no indication that it'll be done this year so there's a really good chance that that pizza oven is here for good like forever I'm not going to bulldoze it I'm not going to tear it down if we're not going to do anything else with the yard so because it's just going to make a big ass hole in my yard that I don't have anything to do with so who knows maybe pizzas in the oven will become a mainstay maybe it'll go so well it'll become a thing we all we all do all the time
[0:45:22] Andrew: I'm convinced that it's going to be a disaster because I've never cooked in a pizza oven before I feel like it's probably incredibly difficult and easy to fuck up but I'm excited to see I'm going to try to cook a little pizza in my skillet and we'll see we'll see who turns out better I feel like it could be two ends of a terrible spectrum where I could see yours being burnt to a crisp and me not being cooked at all
[0:45:43] Geoff: I think that's a that's a good chance that'll happen I will say I think Emily bought us a book or maybe one of her family members I can't remember who bought the book but we got a book when we first moved in on how to cook in a pizza oven and I opened that sucker up and it was about 400 pages of math and I went never mind it was the most complicated thing I've ever seen in my entire life so what I'll do is sometime between now and tomorrow I'll watch one YouTube video and then we'll be fine we'll be pretty pretty ready to go I think yeah it'll be great dude I'm about to go sub thousand
[0:46:12] Unidentified: you put a plant in there it's 80 degrees in that room turn on the AC man the rest of the house is cold you're not in the rest of the house
[0:46:25] Gavin: you're in that room I can't freeze everyone else because my office is an oven
[0:46:28] Geoff: Meg's out of town you're there with the cats the cats are in there with you
[0:46:31] Eric: they love CO2 do you think you're gonna get so much oxygen you just like surpass this podcast and become too smart
[0:46:38] Unidentified: should we do a podcast on oxygen and see how quick we are
[0:46:46] Andrew: I think we would be thinking too clearly I don't think it's a good idea I'm done with taking like show theme ideas from you for a while we're good we're good
[0:46:57] Gavin: yeah I've got high CO2 ideas so they're not any good yeah
[0:47:03] Geoff: I just had another little wave hit me again
[0:47:10] Andrew: it hit you again?
[0:47:11] Geoff: yeah mine's totally over no mine's mine's definitely not over
[0:47:16] Eric: Jeff is it because it dripped into your butthole or what?
[0:47:19] Geoff: yeah a little bit of that it didn't get in the butthole it stopped at the gooch but I'm definitely there was definitely a transfer of pain no I think it just like it just flared back up a little bit maybe I used more I don't know I used a I used like a shaving cream amount because I wanted to get in there really good so I might have just overdone it I guess I don't know it sucks either way and I feel all sweaty still which makes me I feel like I need to take a shower but that's probably a fucking terrible idea because then it just reactivates with the water
[0:47:52] Andrew: it was it was bad when I did it last time we recorded the ears especially I put way too much in and on one of the ears it fell right down into the hole and then after we recorded taking the headphones off and just feeling every light breeze go by was the worst feeling like it made me super sensitive to all wind in both ears I had a shower later to try to like wash it off I was still feeling it I know you're not supposed to do this but I was like I just I feel like there was so much around my ear hole I need to just I'll put a q-tip in and just see what I could get I was scooping out icy hot it was terrible it was a terrible time
[0:48:33] Geoff: it's probably what it must have been like for Daredevil early on when he would like try to go to sleep at night and he could just hear everything and he couldn't figure it out to like learn to sleep in the sleep deprivation chamber like your ears senses are so heightened yeah for that brief period of time
[0:48:48] Andrew: I did hey I found go ahead no you go ahead you did found I found something that I was really excited about when I was looking I don't remember what I was looking for my desk but I was going through things we remember Gavin's tea towel he had the great tea towel as a kid and we talked about how we wish we had images like that from our childhood I found some drawings I did of myself my interpretation of what I look like as a child I think I was probably five when I did this and my family so I don't know post
[0:49:21] Gavin: is this around the same age that you were in that suit
[0:49:23] Andrew: uh no that was this is a bit younger okay the men in black suit so this is let's click and drag my computer's a piece of shit one second this is here we go this is my interpretation as a kid I'm glad this isn't on a tea towel doesn't deserve to be I'm trying to fill as my computer does nothing here we go childhood me waiting for it to pop processing there we go look at that look at that art look at that clear uh my arms don't extend past my body uh it appears that your arms the balls I think I think the ball is supposed to be my body oh maybe they are I don't know what is the lines this is a tough thing to interpret
[0:50:14] Gavin: it looks like you're holding a like a big gong stick
[0:50:16] Andrew: it does it does that's what I love to do I was known for holding gong sticks that was my main hobby as a child
[0:50:24] Gavin: can we do a shirt where that's next to my one and Jeff has to Jeff you must be able to find something you did as a kid that we can put next to that
[0:50:33] Geoff: oh I guarantee you I can I was actually I was I I'm really happy to hear you god I'm having trouble talking again I'm really happy to hear you say that because I was thinking of a similar shirt idea that I thought would be really cute um where I think it's great and I think we should absolutely do that I guarantee you my mom has something that I drew as a kid that we can throw up there wouldn't it be adorable to make a shirt that's just the picture of Andrew uh either hitting the tennis ball but I think that's from like a newspaper uh or like the picture of Andrew in his Men in Black suit with the gun then a picture of Gavin a young Gavin being really cute and then a picture of me and I actually have a photo I can't find it right now but I have a photo of me holding up a fish being really proud of the fish I caught and I think like I think we just put each of those images on the shirt and then that's just us as little boys I think that'd be adorable I love it
[0:51:25] Andrew: it's fantastic I'm so happy to find that it was a sad document to read it was it was like the second it was like a thing I made I think in kindergarten that was like explaining who you are like an introductory thing so it's like all about me and the second page was a handprint and then one of the pages was like my family that I drew and then the last two pages were when you're happy and my one I was happy was when I'm not in the hospital which is great and then my I'm sad when dogs bite me was how I closed out it was incredibly sad it was a five thing thing to read that was sad
[0:52:06] Gavin: I think the real the real move here would have been to replace Andrew with Raymond
[0:52:10] Andrew: it would have been if that was still why does it say
[0:52:15] Gavin: am I looking through the page to the page why does it say Mr. Hands
[0:52:18] Andrew: oh that's my hand the next page is just like my hand Mr. Hands it's not Mr. Hands
[0:52:25] Geoff: interesting man I can't find this fucking photo of me holding a fish here's a picture of me with Goofy I'm gonna send that to you yeah got other people in it but
[0:52:36] Andrew: I have a photo predicting how the pizzas are gonna go tomorrow post that just quickly for you guys this is my assumption of what's gonna happen when it's done I think it'll be the same just post the photo of Jess's reaction to the beans
[0:52:48] Gavin: I think the pizzas will turn out more like this
[0:52:52] Andrew: glad I'm not eating that
[0:52:55] Gavin: I'm excited about the pizzas I think we're gonna get some good shit I've never used a pizza oven no do we need to do research tonight
[0:53:03] Geoff: I told you man I'm gonna watch one YouTube video I recommend everybody watch one YouTube video and then we'll all have between the however many of us show up we'll have multiple YouTube video knowledge you did say that I remember now
[0:53:16] Gavin: it'll be fine
[0:53:16] Geoff: wait it's okay you're not firing on all cylinders your balls are on fire and you're full of CO2 hey we should start wrapping up I fuck man I was I want to propose something to you guys okay but I can't do it till I feel like it comes after the proposal story f*** face story that I have I don't know if we have time to tell that
[0:53:39] Andrew: oh Jesus Christ I forgot I'm so sorry we've been teasing your proposal thing for like five minutes
[0:53:44] Geoff: I feel like we've been over teasing it now it's not that funny it's just it's just more of
[0:53:48] Andrew: I want to hear it though is the problem alright I'll tell it real fast
[0:53:51] Geoff: because I want to propose something to you guys after that but it kind of comes hand in hand with it so as you guys know I've been wanting to propose to Emily for a long time I wanted to do it in a really romantic fun way I wanted to do I had a bunch of ideas I was going to do it on a summer vacation I was going to take her somewhere romantic but you know Millie had her surgery and that took up our whole summer and then then Henry got sick and like we tried to go to Disneyland and then we had to come home because Henry was sick and then we tried to go on a vacation with Gavin and Meg but then Emily got COVID so we couldn't go just like everything kept getting in the way of me proposing to Emily this summer and so finally we decided we needed some time away because we'd missed like every opportunity to have a vacation kind of got ruined and so we made this this vacation up to Mackinac Island in the like up at the top of the mitt in Michigan yeah up to like Silent Cartographer and all that yeah up to Silent Cartographer
[0:54:51] Geoff: and so I decided this is the perfect place to well to learn a little bit about the halo and what it is and is it a weapon or not I don't know this is the perfect place the perfect place to propose to Emily it's like it's this I've talked about it I don't want to like retread old ground but it's this old timey island with no cars everything is horse-drawn carriages or bicycles right and it's like antiquated they have 13 different fudge shops we endeavored to eat at every fudge shop we came pretty close I think we got to nine of them and by the way can I be honest with you guys as an aside I sampled nine of the 13 fudgeries they were all pretty good I gotta be 100% honest with you I could buy better fudge in Austin any day of the week wow it's not so good that you gotta travel to get there like the fudge in your town is just as good as the fudge in Mackinac Island if not honestly a little bit better not to say that Mackinac Island isn't wonderful and that the fudge isn't absolutely
[0:55:51] Geoff: worth eating when you go there have the fudge it's great you'll love it Andrew would you travel two blocks to try that fudge 100% I would I travel for fudge absolutely I travel for fudge anyway so I realized this is my opportunity to propose to Emily so I start reading about the island I start looking at places to go to propose there's this place called Arch Rock it holds the secrets to the universe and potentially to the future of my relationship so I decide that's where I'll do it and I'm doing all this based off like Wikipedia and like travel blogs and shit because I've never been there and I don't really know anybody who's been there and then I thought like one thing I did know is that Emily wanted there to be photos we had discussed this before she's like I want there to be a record of the proposal so you know we'll have that and so I called a bunch of professional photographers on the island like wedding photographers and just like basically every person who was listed as a photographer on Mackinac Island and none of them got back to me
[0:56:51] Geoff: and then right about the time I was like oh I need to double down and figure this out Henry died and so I was completely and totally distracted with dealing with grief and that and all that so I just totally dropped the ball on the photo thing and scheduling a photographer and I realized that kind of like on the plane and I thought well fuck I'll just figure it out when I get there I guess right and so we get to Mackinac Island and we check into our hotel which is right there all the hotels are like on the main strip like right there at the bottom of the island and then kind of get my my bearings I wanted to kind of preview Arch Rock but it's like three miles away and I couldn't figure out an easy way to get there and then so I thought you know what no worries the next day we had a horse drawn carriage ride tour of the island and it's going by our truck so I thought oh I'll get a kind of a kind of an idea of the preview there when we when we go and then that'll I'll be able to get the lay of the land
[0:57:51] Geoff: and figure out like where I'm going to propose and you know kind of like work out the particulars and see if maybe I can find somebody to photograph it I've got like two days on this island so I can do some work like maybe Emily goes to the bathroom and I like call somebody real fast or whatever and like you know so so the one thing in my head is like I should try to I should try to I should try to fill her with foods that make her go to the bathroom a lot so I'll have time when she's like on the toilet that I can figure this out didn't happen so the next day we get it up it's like fucking 40 degrees of course because it's October at the top ass end of America and so it's pretty cold and windy and so we go and we get on this horse drawn carriage and I bring the ring with me just in case and I'm fucking jazzed because I'm like oh I'm going to figure this out now and then I can plan it a little bit because I don't want to wing it too much you know this is an important deal and we get in this horse drawn carriage and we start going up a hill and I realize where the hotels and everything are is at the bottom of Mackinac Island and everything past it
[0:58:51] Geoff: is up and this hill is so intense to get up that the horse drawn carriage has to stop three times to allow the horses a break it's like scheduled in and they have like extra why do you keep doing shit with horses dude I know right it's like extra facts and shit that they rattle off while you're sitting there and the horses are like getting a breather and drinking some water before they go back up again you know and I'm watching this this is like the one road that goes up and there's tons of people walking bicycles up looking miserable and I'm like well that's good to know you know and we continue this tour and about an hour later after the horses have had enough breaks and we get up the hill the guy's like alright we're gonna go to we're passing great here's a cemetery here's a cemetery there's an old Civil War battle or War of 1812 battle or whatever we're gonna but by the way the British loved Mackinac Island they stole Gavin your people fought fiercely for Mackinac Island for some reason they fought it they won it back from America
[0:59:51] Geoff: like three times and they actually they actually controlled it for a good clip after the Revolutionary War even yeah it was like very strategic because of like I guess like Canadian fur trapping and stuff would come through Mackinac Island it's apparently where Paul Astor made all of his money where he bought half of New York he bought it all from he made millions of dollars on furs on Mackinac Island anyway so I get kind of jazzed because we're like heading to heading kind of towards Arch Rock and I'm like okay now I can finally like figure this shit out and as we're getting there it's getting colder and windier and we just keep going up and up and up and I realize there's no way I'm gonna get Emily back to Arch Rock like unless it's like unbelievably beautiful I don't like we're not gonna walk a bicycle up two miles of hills when it's 40 degrees and windy right like that makes no fucking sense like that's not gonna happen so I'm like
[1:00:51] Geoff: oh shit maybe I have to do it right now and so I look around me on the horse drawn carriage it's like a it's like a big carriage it holds like I don't know maybe 20 people and so there's like 10 people on it and they're everybody is 80 years old it's like because it's a place where old people go to vacation I think at least in the fall and so like everybody around us is like septuagenarian octuagenarian very like just elder people lovely people but and I'm like this is kind of a weird vibe and then we get to Arch Rock and they go alright we're gonna step out we got 10 minutes for a bathroom break everybody there's the bathrooms there's Arch Rock you can take a look at it take a photo and then we're gonna head back on and I realize this place is on the other end of the island there's no way I'm getting Emily back to Arch Rock right like it's not gonna happen there's no way I can trick her into going back like oh maybe we should ride our bike uphill in the wind and cold to see that thing we just saw 24 hours ago there's no way I can work that out so I'm like I think I have to do it right now and so we wait in line to get up to the walkway of Arch Rock
[1:01:51] Geoff: which is just like a little like metal walkway that goes out over the side of the cliff for a second you take a photo and you leave and it's just slammed with like tourists it's where everybody on the island stops to go to the bathroom apparently and everybody on the island is like 60 70 years old and so we have to fight through all these old ass people to get to the edge and then I'm like it's now or never I'm gonna have to propose to this lady right now or I'm gonna miss this window I'm gonna miss this window and I don't know how to open that window back up like the window is it's like a hundred year old window it's shut with paint like there's no way it's gonna open up like the fucking latch is like it hasn't been open in 50 years right it's called that droopy glass it's fatter at the bottom yeah it's got the droopy fatter glass where gravity's taking over right and so I'm like I get kind of fucking nervous and Emily's like why are you shaking and I'm like oh no reason it's so fucking cold and I start taking off my gloves because I can't fucking I got fat glove fingers
[1:02:51] Geoff: you know and I'm trying to get the ring out and she's like what are you doing and I'm like oh nothing and she's like why are you taking your gloves off and I'm like uh no reason and then I just get down on my knee and I pull the fucking box out and right as I do it the lady next to me goes oh my god are you for real and I look at her and I'm like what and the people behind me go what's going on what's happening and then Emily goes what are you doing and I go uh nothing and she goes and the lady goes is this really happening I'm like angry and I go yeah it's really happening I'm proposing to her okay and she goes right here and I'm like yeah right here and the people behind me go is he and they just start pointing at us and nobody's happy about it and Emily goes let me go Emily goes are you are you serious Clark which is like a line from uh fucking Beverly D'Angelo says to uh Clark Griswold in like uh fucking
[1:03:51] Geoff: uh National Lampoon's Vacation like are you for real Clark and I'm like yeah and then I'm like I'm like shaking holding the box and I'm looking up at her and this lady's mad and she goes uh she goes well do you want me to take a picture or something and I go oh fuck right god thank you I forgot I'm so nervous and I'm like yes please that would be I would really appreciate it if you would take a photo and Emily's just standing there and the lady goes
[1:04:14] Unidentified: well you gonna give me a camera
[1:04:16] Geoff: or what how do I take the photo and I'm like oh my fucking god I'm like yeah let me give you my phone and I give her my phone and I unlock it for her and then she starts taking photos uh and then the people behind her go uh is this real are they really doing this right now and I'm like yeah I'm trying to and then some other people go congratulations and I go she hasn't said yes yet I haven't had to fucking ask her you know and then I'm like Emily and I say some stuff that I came up with about how much I love her and she's like the most important thing in the world to me and I should change my life and she you know saved me from despair and you know all the things about how I profess my undying love to her and I like put the ring on her and she's like oh my god and then and then the people are like did she say yes yet and I'm like yeah I think so and I look and I'm like you haven't actually said yes and she's like oh right yes and I'm like okay she said yes and then like I got like this like two golf claps and then and then we went back down to the bathrooms where the car was and we got back on the and the horse-drawn carriage and they none it was all the same people nobody said anything to
[1:05:16] Geoff: us they just got back on they gave us dirty looks the lady who was sitting next to us who took the photos she just looked at us for like 10 minutes and then after after we'd been on the ride again for a little while she leaned over and she goes I really and I'm like this fucking this fucking asshole but then I realized this lady is like 72 and she's on a trip to Mackinac Island by herself probably things you know like there might be she might have some issues right like maybe who knows what's going on in her life so I try not to take it personally and then when we get off to leave everybody goes up and tips the driver money like here's a dollar thanks for whatever and I go up and I tip him I give him a ten dollar bill which is at least eight bucks more than anybody else has given him he just looks at me looks the other way and that's it like my proposal joyless place in the country my proposal somehow ruined the day
[1:06:16] Geoff: of everyone who came into contact with it but us like it was funny and sweet and it was actually beautiful and it was a great setting and it was lovely but I did it I had to do it on a bathroom break on a tour of old people who were not into it and didn't appreciate it and were completely and totally not sold on me proposing to him
[1:06:40] Unidentified: if you knew that's how it was gonna go would you have figured a way to open the old window again
[1:06:46] Geoff: yeah yeah I think I would have I think I would have come up with an audible yeah
[1:06:51] Andrew: you described that as like a mild inconvenience occurred that was completely fucked on every level that was a disaster at every stage
[1:07:02] Unidentified: it was like it was
[1:07:04] Geoff: like I'm just trying to profess my love to this person who's very important to me and who I want to commit to you know for the remainder of my life and it really put a couple of old ass people out like they were not into it and I god damn man everybody in the universally I've been spending a lot of time in Michigan the last few years because Emily's family lives there now and every person I've come into contact with in Michigan was lovely just like the sweetest most kind happy nicest polite Midwestern people you'd ever meet except for everybody who was on Mackinac Island that weekend who was an absolutely raging utter cunt maybe it's an altitude thing maybe people from Michigan at altitude get me to or like none of those people were from Michigan they're all tourists ruined a bunch of old people's day by telling my girlfriend I wanted to marry her it was so
[1:08:04] Geoff: fucking weird anyway I had to tell you all that because I've been thinking about something and I wanted to run it by you guys Emily asked me she's like are you gonna do like a bachelor party and I'm like I'm not a bachelor party guy and I don't drink anymore or anything like that but then it hit me I think a perfect bachelor party weekend for me if you guys are into it and unless you guys want to be those old people on our truck Vegas baby I would love to go crabbing with you guys in Vancouver Island I think that would be like the perfect bachelor party weekend
[1:08:39] Unidentified: bachelor crabbing let's do it make that our
[1:08:43] Geoff: crabbing weekend it'll be like my bachelor weekend and we'll just we'll just go crabbing and then hell yeah
[1:08:47] Andrew: I love it I think that's a fantastic idea I can't still I'm just I can't think of any
[1:08:54] Geoff: I can't think of anybody else I'd rather spend that time with than you guys I would
[1:08:57] Gavin: love to be there
[1:08:58] Andrew: I'd love that that'd be so much fun so just to recap this I believe this is the photo right this the old lady took this photo yeah she took great photos that's a great photo second of all it brings me so much joy knowing that everybody behind that camera is irate with you for no reason just what
[1:09:15] Geoff: there's a pile of 12 people that are like hurry up we want to take our photos too I want to look over the railing
[1:09:22] Andrew: you got a combined age of 10,000 irate with you behind that camera
[1:09:27] Geoff: and they were like is this a joke and I'm like no it's not I'm like no it's not a joke I'm trying to propose here and they're like oh congratulations and I'm like she hasn't said yes I haven't you're still talking to me anyway so that's that's how that was phenomenal
[1:09:46] Andrew: that's great
[1:09:47] Geoff: oh man
[1:09:48] Andrew: that's fantastic
[1:09:49] Geoff: I'm excited to go crabbing I'm excited to go crabbing with y'all and I don't know if it was the funniest episode we've ever done but there were three sets of balls that were definitely uncomfortable and on fire throughout it so six testicles
[1:10:07] Gavin: were spent in the making
[1:10:10] Geoff: what do you still have two rather did they remove it or did they just staple it they popped it out and popped it back in again and stapled it down your testicle left your body briefly yeah
[1:10:22] Gavin: one of my balls knows what it's like to briefly live outside the sack
[1:10:26] Geoff: your testicle you have a testicle that's essentially like a ball astronaut wow that's pretty impressive ballstronaut
[1:10:35] Unidentified: that's amazing the entry was rough it looked like
[1:10:45] Gavin: this
[1:10:46] Geoff: that's Gavin on the surgery table oh well there you go I guess that's probably good for an episode thank you for indulging me in my proposal story I had to get through it so that I could ask you guys to go crabbing with me and I guess we'll see you next week for another episode be on the lookout for a monkey movie watch watch along that'll be out on YouTube and the site here pretty soon I don't think we know when but soon be on the lookout for pizza pizza making video content that'll be non-regulation supplementary content that'll be out sooner or later I'm just gonna go ahead and make one single video from that event if that's right yeah just that's enough and we'll make sure it goes out
[1:11:38] Andrew: be on the lookout for our animated show which I think should be out by the time that this episode releases based on previous release schedules I believe so yeah that will be on our YouTube the first it's the the Vancouver child kicker is the first episode it's fantastic they did how many episodes
[1:11:54] Gavin: are in this season I think six
[1:11:56] Andrew: yeah six or seven somewhere around there
[1:12:00] Geoff: I saw thumbnails today for the first three episodes and they are so adorable I'm very excited I can't wait for people to see them and also while we're at it because we are we are a supplementary content podcast now be on the lookout for an in-depth overview of Gavin and Andrew's experience on Survive Black Island I believe that show is wrapping up here pretty soon and on you guys will remember on our first office day we recorded about an hour long just little audio podcast that you guys talking about your experience on participating in that game show and so once as soon as that's out as soon as the final episode of that show is out then I see no reason why we wouldn't dump out that video too or definitely
[1:12:42] Gavin: watch the show first and also get ready for us to discuss a lot of stuff that was never in the show
[1:12:47] Unidentified: yeah because it
[1:12:49] Gavin: hadn't been edited yet yeah I guess so many of the things we talk about I just like snipped out as if they were trying to fit every episode onto vinyl there's entire well they were
[1:13:02] Geoff: working with them they had a lot of footage and a little not everything could make it in unfortunately well there you go also maybe if you like this video why did I say that maybe if you like this podcast it's not a video listen I got I'm getting yeah maybe Gavin and I don't live too far from each other maybe there's some CO2 seeping 952 that's great it's going down it's going down you're you're headed you're trending in the right direction anyway if you like the podcast maybe maybe give it a like or review or just tell somebody that you like about it and then maybe they'll like it and then it's something that you guys can bond over and that's what I think that isn't that what it's all about at the end bonding with people over podcasts that's that's why we exist so you know do that
[1:13:55] Unidentified: bye that's
[1:13:58] Eric: pretty good it's a good outro Jeff no it wasn't you don't think that was a good outro no you it's so what happened I mean
[1:14:05] Gavin: you did the intro why don't you just do a quick outro for us thank you so
[1:14:09] Eric: much for listening to episode 128 of face if you like this follow us on Instagram follow us on Twitter at face pod it's so easy to stay up to date with everything that's going on hope you like the monkey movie stuff hope you like the survive block island stuff we have so much supplementary content coming your way only here on the face podcast I mean it was higher energy all right this sorry goodbye and just end it just
[1:14:33] Unidentified: fucking end it hey guys major league fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of face really quickly I'd like to hijack the episode to let you know we are auctioning off an original face hat that Andrew had made in order to raise money for extra life just go to bit.ly slash el auction and all caps for info and now with the episode what is the sneakiest animal hard stuff is easy is Andrew an ace at darts sidearm pitching is weird and once again Andrew does not eat the pencil all that and more on next week's episode of face
